Sunday, May 12, 2019

When an Angel Dies

There is not just one emotion you feel when you learn that you are about to be a Mom for the first time or even the second & third time.  There's a level of excitement paired with trepidation all wrapped up in a lovely package of love and fear.

Am I ready to become a Mom?  Am I going to be a good Mom?  Oh my gosh I am going to be a Mom!

  With every child there will be a new normal that enters in your life and somehow you adapt. Then the  newness wears off and it is just your normal.  But what happens when you become a mother to a child with exceptional needs and medical frailties?  What then?!  Well, you adapt and adjust to your new normal.

Is it easy?  Hell NO!  It is a journey like no other.  

Imagine a road of unthinkable twists and turns.  It is a road to the unknown.  There are times you feel  your feet are on solid ground and you actually feel confident that you can handle anything ahead.  However, most of the time you are on rocky ground and no matter where you step, nothing feels good and everything hurts.  Other times the ground is murky and you feel stuck and not sure how you will pull yourself out of the sludge.  There are moments that you don't have any footing at all and it is as if you are being sucked down by relentless quick sand and your fight although relentless is futile.  

But then there's a person who has traveled this road before you.  They are further along in their journey and they take great lengths to meet you where you are and give you their hand, wisdom, and hearts to pull you through, lift you up, and guide your every step.  For me, that was Karen Delafuenta.  She had a good 13 years ahead of me on this journey. 

My son Scotty has Angelman Syndrome and so does her Jonny.  She is my spirit sister, my guardian, and one of my best friends.  

No one talks about when the caring for your angel on earth ends.  The part of the journey when an Angel dies and earns his heavenly wings.   We all think about it every day.  The fear of the unknown when/if this time will happen.  

Jonny earned his wings this Mother's Day morn.  Momma and sister by his side.  This is where I step in to offer my hand, heart, and love while they navigate this uncharted territory. 

I don't always have the right words.  I clumsily share my deep sorrow and cry with them.  My heart actually aches. It physically hurts.  I don't like this part of the journey for any of us!  I hate it.  I can't see past my tears some days.  I want to scream at the heavens to stop having our Angels suffer.  In those moments of answered prayers, I curse God when he allows an Angel to die so they no longer suffer.  The pain is gone.  The suffering is no longer.

Jonny was loved and cared for by the best mother and sister any boy can ask for.  He was a beacon of love and joy. Every parent who is on this journey is grieving.


The world is forever changed when an Angel dies! 

Saturday, May 4, 2019

Scotty, my purpose in life

 Scotty was almost 8 years old when he finally was accurately diagnosed with Angelman Syndrome (AS).  He was misdiagnosed with Cerebral Palsy on his first year well visit.  I am still in shock that we just celebrate his 17th year of life on April 8!

Life with AS is far from easy.  It is a life full of doctor’s visits, hospital stays, upper respiratory infections, chronic constipation, chronic reflux, incontinence, anxiety, feeding issues, sleeping disorder, sensitivity to the heat and sun, unsteady gait, developmental delays, lack of speech, walking and balance disorders, and worst of all seizures.  My son will require life-long care.

There is not a day that goes by that I am not overwhelmed with the thought of leaving my Scotty behind.  I fear for his care and overall well being after I take my last breath.  This is a cruel world filled with evil people who find pleasure in harming the innocent.  My son is the purest form of love and joy!!! These blessed characteristics are also a curse.  It leaves him vulnerable to the evil among us.  I do my best to protect him and keep him safe.  My purpose in life is to have him never doubt that he is loved!!!

This page was created originally to raise money and share a fundraising event for one of the agencies that funds research to find a cure for Angelman Syndrome.  Although there is talk of a cure, my hope is fading with each day I get older that it will happen in our life time.  I don’t know what a cure will look like?  What I do know is that I adore my son.  What is Angelman Syndrome?

His innocence is something I celebrate and yet fear.  His trusting nature is sweet and yet terrifying.  His unawareness of the evil in the world makes him pure and endearing but leaves him incredibly vulnerable.

In the quiet of the night tears just fall.  These tears are at times silent and slide down my aging face.  But when the fear overtakes my spirit those same tears are choreographed with guttural sobs that I dare not allow anyone to witness.  For I am the mother of an exceptional child and strength is what must be visible at all times. The moments you won’t see are in he still of the night when all walls are down.  As I embrace the calm silent night terror rises up in me and that is when the reality of our mortality punches me in my core.

Both realities that I ponder are incomprehensible to me.  If he goes before me, I cannot even fathom that.  Me without him?  My lifeforce will leave if he departs before me.  The thought of me taking my last breath knowing that I am leaving him to the unknown and no protection from the evil in this world is equally unfathomable.  The best I can do is allow the tears to fall until I fall asleep and wake up to face yet another day.  Give him my all.  Wrap him in my love and do my best.

This page will be updates on Scotty.  This page will be used to celebrate the small victories as well as sharing the struggles of a life with Angelman Syndrome.
Scotty Strong FB Page

This will be a glimpse of the SECRET LIFE OF AN ANGEL XOXO!

Sunday, January 27, 2019

Triggered

I have written and deleted this blog at least 5 times. I struggled with if I should share this or not.  Would you think less of me?  Would you look at me as an unprofessional teacher or worse a bad mother? 

We all have triggers that can set off a memory that we have buried or an emotion that we normally deny ourselves.  I don't know about you, but I keep myself very busy so I don't have to feel anything some days.  This day I couldn't hide behind the "busy" and I broke down.


 I sat on the bleachers in our gym at school.   I was watching two of my students cheer as other students were participating in our weekly hockey game.  There was a couple of students that drew me in.  The purest form of glee to be a part of something like this.  There was this one student that he just couldn't hold in his excitement.  The joy that permeated from that smile of his was intoxicating, beautiful, and yet it killed me.  It triggered a place within me that I rarely allow myself to visit.  I felt such a deep sorrow that my spirit actually hurt.  Tears started to just roll down my face. I was angry that my son couldn't be a part of something like this.  That even in the world of being "different", he is more "different" than others.


 I imagined my son, Scotty with a smile on his face that would show complete satisfaction that he belonged! In this moment I did what I tell all parents to NOT do.  I compared my son's abilities and differences to others.  I was crushed even in the world of 'special needs' my son would not be able to participate in such an activity.  His neurological and sensory needs would create it impossible for him to be a part of something like this.  I actually considered my son "lower" or less than these students. I was crushed.  


At first I felt sorry for my son then I felt shame.  I was ashamed that I was a hypocrite.  I speak and write about  presuming competence and stress the importance  to look at the abilities not deficiencies.


Am I a parent based in reality or a am I dismissing my son's potential?  All I know is that I had to remove myself from the gymnasium and try to regain composure.  


I ended up in the principal's office to turn in paperwork and her benign question "How's it going?" had me frozen.  I stood there and a meek "good, things are good" came out.  My tone gave me away.  She stopped and asked again.  This time I said, can I speak freely as a parent right now and not as a teacher?"  She granted me permission to do so.  The tears just fell.  Talk about unprofessional! 


Something as simple as a weekly activity  in a school for exceptional children tapped my sorrow and mourning for what my son isn't or can't be.  Shame on me!!!  I want so much more for Scotty that I simply can't give him..a sense of belonging with his peers.


Hate to admit it, but I cried on the drive home and most of the night. Then I was reminded of the perfection of who my son is.   He is sound asleep in these pictures!  Who sleeps with such a smile of pure joy?  My son does!  Whose giggles can be heard in the middle of the night while in a deep sleep?  My son's can!



This is Scotty!  Pure of heart! Pure Joy and Love!  He is not less than anyone!  Shame on me..shame on anyone who thinks otherwise!


  

 


Thursday, July 12, 2018

Teacher Turnover is Expensive!

Why are so many teachers leaving the profession? 

Student discipline challenges in the top 3 reasons why teachers walk away!

Teacher turnover has a significant fiscal impact on schools!  'Districts must fund additional recruitment programs, implement interview and hiring procedures, and provide additional professional development—not to mention the loss in experience and expertise. In a study on the cost of teacher turnover, researchers estimated these costs could be as much as 150 percent of the leaving teacher's salary, though they recommended an average estimate of 20 percent."
(http://www.ascd.org/publications/researchbrief/v2n19/toc.aspx) 

Being proactive and managing Teacher retention is key to successful schools.  I offer two Professional Development Training Days!  Based on the mindset of Presuming Competence, let's get your school on the path to success and teacher retention and satisfaction! Contact me today with any questions, get a quote for training, and let's schedule next year's PD days! 
Contact me Today!
Training 1: Classroom Management
Five strategies to Prevent, Respond or Recover from School Failure. Research-based, results-driven staff development training. Our exciting workshop is your ticket to outstanding School Success strategies! Invest just one day to learn how to improve standardized scores and reduce the number of disciplinary referrals plus much more..10 Benefits of our training:
* Learn powerful self-control strategies. Remain calm and respond in all situations
*Incorporate leading-edge classroom design ideas.
*Increase time on task, scores, and classroom climate by teaching to rules and procedures.
*Capture student attention.
*Build strong student-teacher relationships.
*Eliminate multiple warnings and repeated requests.
*Use proven methods to deal with serious, challenging behavior.
*Learn to reward your students in more motivation ways.
*Receive an extensive research-based training resource manual.
*Receive support after your training to ensure our strategies are successful in your building.

Training 2: Engagement and Motivation for all Students
Stimulate academic interest and engage ALL students through lessons that are meaningful and relevant.
*Building on your classroom management strategies training, the differentiated instruction training will help you improve student performance.
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*Adding the differentiated instruction strategies to your educational repertoire will positively enhance SchoolSuccess for both your students and you.  

*Training appropriate for General and Exceptional Education

https://rita-molino.com/
716-428-1327

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Teacher Evaluations

The National Education Association (NEA),  in 2010  stated that the primary purpose for evaluation teachers should be to improve the knowledge, skills, dispositions, and classroom practice of professional educators. The reality is teacher evaluations continue to be flawed.  Each administrator, each district, each state may interpret the purpose of teacher evaluation differently.

Sadly, rather than using it as a source of ongoing teacher training, identifying areas of growth, and to enhance teaching practice, evaluations  are used to sort teachers, rewarding the top and firing the bottom. (NEA, 2011) 

Another issue is the subjectivity of the evaluator.  Although a rubric may be followed to rate the teacher, subjective opinions come into play. Another conundrum of implementing meaning evaluations is that not all teaching dispositions are not easily measured objectively.

Just like there are different learning styles, we all vary in our teaching style.  A more animated energetic teacher may be just what is in order for a student who thrives in high energy and fast paced learning environment.  However, to another student who gets easily distracted and needs a slower paced calm learning environment most likely would not thrive with the same teacher.  So does this make the teacher a "good" teacher or a "bad" teacher?  A better question is, is he an effective teacher?  The answer would be "it depends".  

Reality is like any other profession, there has to be a way to assess the quality of the educator.  Do we meet the various dispositions that research and observation have deemed necessary to be effective in the classroom.  

Here is a great source explaining Dispositions and Examples.

In my opinion the key component of determining if you are an effective teacher or not is Relationship building or Unconditional Positive Regard. Are you able to connect with all of your students?  Do you even make an effort to make that connection?  Are you able to turn every student even the challenging ones into allies?

Is the culture in your classroom one of collaboration and encouragement?  If you answered YES to those questions you are on your way to being a highly effective teacher.  You know the old saying "Students don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care". 

When I think of my favorite teachers growing up in the 70s and 80s I don't remember what they taught me.  I remember how they made me feel about myself.  

When I get evaluated I need it to be a productive tool to highlight my areas of shine, my areas of growth, and areas that need to grow.  I need it to be an avenue to prompt open dialogue with my evaluator of how to become a good teacher to a great teacher.  

I need the evaluation to be an objective measurement that has some subjectivity included to help guide me in self reflection on things I can celebrate and areas I need to improve.


References
NEA Teacher Evaluation Resource Guide - NEA - NEA Home. (n.d.). Retrieved October 7, 2017, from http://www.bing.com/cr?IG=4572440A26184DF2861AB669147640CD&CID=119782FB8C3963CA0CA389EF8D3F6245&rd=1&h=KIIASAaYGCkSKGiwHrIHCc4oZaIAGfNEdHVNlTffNxM&v=1&r=http%3a%2f%2fwww.nea.org%2fassets%2fdocs%2fteacherevalguide2011.pdf&p=DevEx,5066.1
Web.utk.edu. (n.d.). Retrieved October 07, 2017, from http://web.utk.edu/




Sunday, September 17, 2017

My thoughts on High-Stakes Assessments

High Stakes testing is an enigma.  This type of testing is important because standardized testing is an objective indicator of student performance.  They ensure objectivity because professionals familiar with the skills necessary to meet state standards write them.
These tests are used to make important decisions about students, educators, schools, or districts.  Most commonly used for accountability.  The attempt by federal, state, and/or local government agencies and school administrators to ensure that students are enrolled in effective schools and being taught by effective teachers.
Generally, these tests are used as punishments or sanctions.  Funding reductions and negative publicity are common.  They are used to award teachers, schools, and districts if students perform well on these tests.  Salary increase, bonuses, or promotion for teachers and administrators can be a result of good test taking skills.   Adversely, teachers can be placed on probation or lose their jobs for poor test takers. Students are also having consequences depending on their performance on these tests. Many states use high stakes testing for grade advancement and graduation.  
Yes, high-stakes testing matters.  After all, we can tell a lot about a student who gets high grades on high stakes testing.  We can tell that they are good at taking test.  They possess great test taking skills. They may even be able to memorize content.
Students who perform well on tests should not be chastised. I am sure you sensed my sarcasm in the previous paragraph.  Their achievement should be celebrated.  However, students who perform poorly on high stakes tests should not be chastised either.
Some people just do not test well for various reasons.  Poor test taking skills, high anxiety, learning differences, or they perform better on authentic or performance based assessments. I understand that High-Stakes is not defined by  the format of a test but defined by  how the results are used.  However, most of the time it is a standardized test that does not test for other levels learning or intelligences.
I believe that an old blog post would be appropriate to be placed here for more thoughts regarding diverse learners and viewing all students as capable. http://ritamolino.blogspot.com/2013/10/i-am-compelled-to-write-and-say-this.html


I read somewhere from a proponent of High Stakes testing and the use of them that they are necessary because they tell the good students apart from the bad ones.  WHAT?!  That is the fundamental problem I have with the use of these tests in most schools.  There are no “bad ones”.  There are diverse learners.  
How about this reason:  It is a great predictor of success?  UM NO!  I would be an utter failure if High-Stakes testing was a predictor of success.  I do not test well on standardized high stakes test.  I never have, never will.  Good Thing SUNY Fredonia didn’t only look at my SAT and ACT scores but also looked at my school grades, student council participation, volunteer work, internship at the county legislative office, and for just being an all-around decent student.  If they hadn’t, I would not be working on my Doctorate in Education.
A true predictor for success is resilience, good soft skills, and high emotional intelligence.
This is what I propose:  use testing to gain a baseline of what the student knows.   But let’s create tests that can test more than a one-dimensional measure of knowledge and intelligence.  Let’s measure our students against their own progress not a standard benchmark created by those who have lost touch what it means to be a learner and what it feels like to be in the classroom.  
The moment I compare my son to what he should be doing to what all other 15 year olds are doing, I lose sight of how far he has come.  He is not a failure because he can’t score well on tests.  He is a champion because he has come so far.  He faces learning obstacles every day and yet can’t wait to get on that bus.  He faces communication obstacles every day and yet learns a new sign and uses his AAC to tell me his is tired or wants to go for a walk.  His successes mean nothing if all I am dong is looking at what he ‘should’ be doing as a 10th grader.  His successes mean everything when I compare to where he was, where he is now, and where he will be tomorrow.
The thought of teachers and schools being punished for someone else’s performance (students) is so absurd to me.  What other profession has this measure of accountability?  But I digress.
The school my son attends and I will be doing my clinical hours at: Aspire Center for Learning is a school specifically for students with exceptional needs.  They all have multiple and significant needs.  High Stakes testing does not have the same impact at this school on teachers or funding as it does at other traditional schools.
Our students take alternative assessments that are created by their teachers.  I ask you how valid, reliable, or standard is that?  All the students that attend this school have different home school districts.  They are from all over Erie County.  The district we live in doesn’t even count Scotty’s assessment scores.  So why have him even take them?
The charter school I worked at a few years ago prior to my online teaching gig stressed not only the teachers out about the testing but also the students.  They violated so many laws and special education regulations regarding testing protocol it made me physically ill.  Administration and the Board were so bent on good scores they instructed content teachers to meet with students they believed would not pass the High Stakes Testing (NYS Regents Exams) to keep their scores high and strongly advised them to not take the exam to not show up at all.
As a Special Education teacher and at Aspire Center for Learning, we are more concerned with progress with the Individualized Education Program Goals.  We closely monitor the progress of the goals.  The progress or lack of progress towards their goals is how I was evaluated as a teacher.  

Reading some of the literature on the impact of High-Stakes testing has me reeling.  Increase in child and young adult suicide in Korea and India!  For what purpose to have your country marked high achieving compared to other countries?  We are losing site of what is important in not only education, but in life.
Our students are living breathing creations who have much to offer.  A test score tells me nothing of the grit and resilience my son or students must have to keep smiling even after they had a night full of seizures.  Individuals like my son can teach our policy makers a thing or two on emotional intelligence, perseverance, courage, resilience, humility, and what it truly means to be successful in life.  My son and others like him teach me every day success is in one’s spirit of how we treat one another.  We are failing our students, our schools, and  our teachers to rely so heavily on these test scores.  
It would behoove us to take the information the scores give us and make decisions on how we can meet all our learners needs the best we can.  Let’s help our students become well adjusted, resilient contributors  to society.  Let’s help create students who are encouraged and empowered, not just educated.
References
(n.d.). Retrieved September 16, 2017, from http://www.apa.org/pubs/info/brochures/testing.aspx
Concepts, L. (2014, August 18). High-Stakes Test Definition. Retrieved September 16, 2017, from http://edglossary.org/high-stakes-testing/
Jeunes, L. V. (n.d.). Student Suicides in South Korea. Retrieved September 16, 2017, from http://www.voicesofyouth.org/fr/posts/student-suicides-in-south-korea
Kamenetz, A. (2015, January 22). The Past, Present And Future Of High-Stakes Testing. Retrieved September 16, 2017, from http://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2015/01/22/377438689/the-past-present-and-future-of-high-stakes-testing
MacAskill, A., & Ashreena, T. (2014, December 10). In modernising India, suicide is on the rise among young. Retrieved September 16, 2017, from http://in.reuters.com/article/india-suicide/in-modernising-india-suicide-is-on-the-rise-among-young-idINKBN0JO2A420141211
Relying on High-Stakes Standardized Tests to Evaluate Schools and Teachers: A Bad Idea. (n.d.). Retrieved September 16, 2017, from http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00098655.2016.1156628
The NCES Fast Facts Tool provides quick answers to many education questions (National Center for Education Statistics). (n.d.). Retrieved September 16, 2017, from https://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=1