The Secret Life of a Special Needs Family: The Heart of Bubba

Having a mother's heart I do not deal with transitions very well.  My two oldest sons have moved out, and this Momma's heart cries every day.  My son Christopher is a freshman in college and recently moved on and out.  As a mom, I clean.  I was cleaning his room today and I find this essay.  It must have been for an English assignment.  I do not know the exact date he wrote this, but I believe it was during his senior year in high school.

"Growing up my mom was both my mom and my dad.  She had to take on both roles which is difficult.  However, to make things more difficult for her, my little bother was born disabled and needs constant care and supervision.  I completely understand that she needed to be with him and not with me.  I don't feel any resentment towards my mother, or my little brother, but growing up the way I did I learned how to deal with my own problems and that petty childhood issues weren't that significant in the grand scheme of things.  I don't really know if I would consider myself an adult yet, but I can tell you I became very mature at a younger age than most.  It wasn't a choice for me to become mature.  It was a necessity.

Most ten  year olds are able to watch their five year old brothers, but watching my little brother was different.  I needed to know how to change his diaper, draw and administer his medicine.  I absolutely needed to know what procedure to do in an emergency situation.  One instance sticks out in my mind more than the rest.  I was ten years old and my mom was sick and was resting, and I was in charge of watching my little brother.  We were watching television and all of a sudden he started shaking and then he fell and hit his head very hard on the floor:  he was unconscious.  I immediately got his emergency seizure medicine, gave it to him, called 911 and gave them all the information they needed.  I just held him waiting for the first responders to arrive.  Yes, my mom was home which made things a little bit easier for me to handle, but watching what happened and being the one in charge of fixing it will always stay with me.  Watching Scotty, making those decisions that could end up being life or death, and the lessons my mom instilled in me have made me the man I am today.  Growing up the way I did taught me to always put others' needs before my own, made me the leader I am today, and taught me to be a great problem solver in stressful situations."

This heart of mine hurts as I read this.  Why?  Because my son feels he has to deal with everything on his own.  My heart rejoices because he is a great young man, filled with love, kindness, and generosity.  He has a spirit of giving that is unmatched.  My heart filled with pride, sorrow, and gratitude within the seconds it took me to read this essay.

Siblings of individuals with different abilities are extraordinary.  They endure so much that many, including us parents, are unaware of.  The secret life of a special needs family is filled with care, perseverance, regret, guilt, gratitude, strength, courage, kindness, chaos, exhaustion, and most of all love.