When an Angel Dies

There is not just one emotion you feel when you learn that you are about to be a Mom for the first time or even the second & third time.  There's a level of excitement paired with trepidation all wrapped up in a lovely package of love and fear.

Am I ready to become a Mom?  Am I going to be a good Mom?  Oh my gosh I am going to be a Mom!

  With every child there will be a new normal that enters in your life and somehow you adapt. Then the  newness wears off and it is just your normal.  But what happens when you become a mother to a child with exceptional needs and medical frailties?  What then?!  Well, you adapt and adjust to your new normal.

Is it easy?  Hell NO!  It is a journey like no other.  

Imagine a road of unthinkable twists and turns.  It is a road to the unknown.  There are times you feel  your feet are on solid ground and you actually feel confident that you can handle anything ahead.  However, most of the time you are on rocky ground and no matter where you step, nothing feels good and everything hurts.  Other times the ground is murky and you feel stuck and not sure how you will pull yourself out of the sludge.  There are moments that you don't have any footing at all and it is as if you are being sucked down by relentless quick sand and your fight although relentless is futile.  

But then there's a person who has traveled this road before you.  They are further along in their journey and they take great lengths to meet you where you are and give you their hand, wisdom, and hearts to pull you through, lift you up, and guide your every step.  For me, that was Karen Delafuenta.  She had a good 13 years ahead of me on this journey. 

My son Scotty has Angelman Syndrome and so does her Jonny.  She is my spirit sister, my guardian, and one of my best friends.  

No one talks about when the caring for your angel on earth ends.  The part of the journey when an Angel dies and earns his heavenly wings.   We all think about it every day.  The fear of the unknown when/if this time will happen.  

Jonny earned his wings this Mother's Day morn.  Momma and sister by his side.  This is where I step in to offer my hand, heart, and love while they navigate this uncharted territory. 

I don't always have the right words.  I clumsily share my deep sorrow and cry with them.  My heart actually aches. It physically hurts.  I don't like this part of the journey for any of us!  I hate it.  I can't see past my tears some days.  I want to scream at the heavens to stop having our Angels suffer.  In those moments of answered prayers, I curse God when he allows an Angel to die so they no longer suffer.  The pain is gone.  The suffering is no longer.

Jonny was loved and cared for by the best mother and sister any boy can ask for.  He was a beacon of love and joy. Every parent who is on this journey is grieving.

The world is forever changed when an Angel dies!